I was recently handed this photo by an anonymous source. While the informant claimed he didn't want to reveal his identity, as he left the coffee shop I was sitting in, he walked down the street shouting "I am the King of Cartoons!" while carrying an old film projector, swatting at some pesky Pterodactyl as he walked. Here is the photo:
After choking on my java and recovering from my initial shock, I had to do some research. I never knew that my best bud was on tv! First, I tracked down an elderly recliner named "Chairry", but she couldn't tell me much, since her only view of people was from the rear end. If this had been a picture of Jammin's backside, I might have been in luck. Next, I came across a blues puppet band, but they were too, shall we say, high as a kite, to be of any help. Then, out of nowhere, a bully marrionette dropped out of the sky, and told me that if I wanted to learn anything, I would have to go to the "Big House". I shivered at first, but after a few moments of telling myself I had to get to the bottom of this, I decided to make the trip.
I pushed some kid off of a weird motorized scooter with all sorts of attachments, yelled an apology and told him it was an emergency, and put on his large eyeball helmet. It wasn't long and the scenery was going by like it was moving and I was standing still! Finally, I don't know how I got there, but there it was. The great Playhouse, all run down and neglected, but still standing.
I looked around the outside, but there were no signs that the place had been used at all. Just dried-up flowers, an old lasso, a chewed-up mail bag, some decayed "unsavory" magazines, and a slime-covered pool. I got to the door, which surprisingly was still in place. Just as I went to push it open, the window spoke to me! In a low, creaky voice it said, "Thank... goodness... someone... has... come. They... just won't... shut up..." That made me a little more nervous. As I slowly peeked inside, I just couldn't believe my eyes! There was Jammin, seated on the floor in a lotus position, in front of a chest with a head inside of it! They were both chanting some strange language together - something like "Mecka Lecka Hi, Mecka Hinee Ho!"
I was so shocked, that I just ran and ran until I couldn't run any more, and found myself at home in bed. That's when I knew I had to come here right away and pass along the news. If anyone else has any information regarding this latest development, please comment below. The life of a good friend of ours could be in trouble, and we can't just sit by. In the meantime, I'm going to make my way back to that house. If you don't hear from me, call Miss Yvonne. She'll know what to do.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
SHOCKING NEWS!!!
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11 comments:
Oh my dear Lord. LOL This is priceless.
Get back in touch with chairry, I'll be posting my rear end soon, to allow a comparative match with chairry's memories views.
Besides, let me explain....unbelievable how one little picture can be misinterpreted. I happened to run into Richard Homer at a store when I stopped for a break while out riding my motorcycle. We got chatting about the old days and he invited me over to his house for some watermelon. I said, "sure, why not? It's a hot day". We got there, he offered me a spoonful of his "specially treated" watermelon. I told him I could get my own, but he insisted on playing "choo choo train". Obviously, he knew he was posing for a staged picture, I did not. This picture was posted in several paparazzi magazines as well as GQ as a means of trying to discredit my hold on the title of "America's Sexiest Man Alive". I have taken legal action and have been advised by my council not to discuss any other pertinent facts at this venture. Does that help with the investigation? Graybeard, be careful with your "little trips". Sounds like you've been "smoking" your meds again. I've introduced you to a friend of mine while ice fishing last winter, but did I mention that he is the K-9 drug enforcement officer? (cant figure out why he has his dog sniff me all over every time i go visit he and his wife)
Mr. Dahm's must be proud to know that has art classess and English lectures have not been left at the curbside. You two are definately using your creative writing skills in shall a say "a coloful" way :)Thanks for the best reading material guys. Now, Jammin just remember what happens when you drop those drawers ;) it won't hurt a bit....I promise.
and what the heck is up with the time...I posted at 10:06pm not 8:58....sorry that is my OCD kicking in, time for some tea!
Ok. Your version IS a possibility, but let me point out a few holes (craters, actually) in your story, and then you can feel free to change...I mean, recount the facts.
First of all, who the heck is Richard Homer!? The person in the photo with you is one Paul Reubens, aka PeeWee Herman. There is no mistaking that. If you got to chatting about the old days, that means you two do have a history, which also coincides with the time stamp on the back of the photo. You should at least remember the name of the guy in the photo, despite his resemblances to someone else you may know.
After reading your comment about the Paparazzi, I checked with them about your story, hoping to clear your name, of course. From what they told me, they have no record of anyone ever chasing you about anything sexy. Instead, several of their members cringed at the mention of your name, saying that they had restraining orders out against you for chasing them while shouting, "C'mon! You'll love the choo choo train game!"
Other sources say that you also auditioned for the "Cowboy Curtis" position, but due to an unhealthy carved watermelon addiction, they had to turn you down.
I don't believe any of this, of course. In fact, I think that the picture proves that you weren't in your right mind at the time, and were possibly taken advantage of. It could be some kind of elaborate scheme to set you up, and there could be much more going on than we all realize. I will testify to the fact that I didn't see any watermelons at your house the last time I was there. Perhaps this is just one of those things from the past that needs to be swept under the rug and forgotten. I, for one, will try. My eyes are still bloated and irregular from that picture, and I am applying Activia to them for two weeks to try and get the image out that was burned there.
Oh, and I showed Chairry a picture of your behind. She instantly remembered you at that point, and said that you were one of the nicest people to have ever graced her cushion with your "cottony softness". Those were her words, but she seems to think that you were being set up in some way, though she can't think why. I'll keep trying to sort this out - I'm sure it will all work out.
What? How did I get a picture of your posterior? Well, it cost me a pretty penny, and I had to do a few favors for some fellas, but finally the Don granted my request. When he heard the cause, he said he would help out in his own way, due to your loyalty to the family. Come to think of it, no one has heard from the King of Cartoons since he gave me that photo. Hopefully they got the Pterodactyl as well. Hmmmm.
WE MAY BE IN LUCK! I just received a phone call. A guy named "Jambi" just called me, and wants to meet with me. He says he has some important information for me that will help clear your name! He said that he was working with you on some anger management issues after being rejected from the "Cowboy Curtis" audition, and that you both became good friends. He said that if I meet with him on the corner of Hooey and Malarky downtown, he'll be able to grant me one wish as long as I repeat after him. I have to run - if you don't hear from me, then something has gone wrong. This could be a setup, but I'll have to risk it. I have to get to the bottom of this. No pun intended.
NurseC please show Queerbeard the photo in your seventh grade yearbook of one Richard "pee wee herman" Homer. I do believe that once the yearbook photo is revealed, the plausibility, and concrete certainty of the truth shall be reinforced in the minds of all.
And by the way, HOLY CRAP! Graybeard, you are one wordy bastard!!!!
She did - not even close to the photo in question. Sorry. You know, I'm just trying to help you out here, but if your going to resort to name-calling, then I'm afraid I'm just going to help you out even more. Look at where that has gotten you so far. Can you really risk getting quadruple the amount of my help? Is that really what you want on your conscience for the next days and weeks to come? Think about it.
Poopy-head.
Oh, and somebody named "Yammin" shot Jambi. I got to the meeting place, and there he was, head on the ground with a rubber dart on his forehead. Written on his head case was "Yammin shot me". I never got my wish.
Poopy-head.
NurseC please try 9th grade???!!! and dont tell me that you dont remember .......
For cryin' out loud - she TOLD me about the Homer/Pee-wee look alike thing, I've seen the pictures, and not only do I, but everyone else knows that that is the genuine P.W. in the picture with you. You're not helping me solve this case by trying to use that excuse!
And besides, since when would you go for a cheap imitation when you can have the genuine thing? I know you well enough to know that much. It's always been caviar and cognac for you - never spam and Boones! I've cranked up my services to double-effort now. Do you want to make it triple?! I'm telling you, I will!
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