Ooooooohh, yeah, baby!!! You heard me right! This is what happens when posting and commenting drops off, and I claim no responsibilty for the happenings that I report! So read at your own risk! I'll be going by order of the "Who are the Friend's Cafe" list. If your name is on it, you are in it!
Alan - Is one of the three famous "rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub" men (despite the common belief, he was actually the candlestick maker); isn't really getting married soon - his fiance left him to become British goose girl.
Shaun - Is currently petitioning Congress to allow him to marry his dog in addition to his wife, claiming as his argument the fact that it has nothing to do with the gay marriage issue, involves no improper relationship and will in no way interfere with his human marriage; listens to Michael Bolton.
Cheryl - Likes to shovel snow in her skivies; constantly drives in the left-hand lane, claiming "all those other idiots are wrong"; was kicked out by Antonio Banderas because someone better came along (see RM1).
Jill - Raises pet slugs in the basement, and has each one registered with the ASA (American Slug Association); tries to trap the elusive Easter Bunny each year with a Rambo-style egg hunt in the woods - has come close many times, but has not succeeded as of yet.
Ruth - Is about to debut her "A Tisket, A Tasket" album (There is, of course, a couch on the front cover); has bought seventeen freezers, set them up in the basement, and is stuffing them with as much snow as possible to build an igloo in July.
Brian - Shares a summer home with Antonio Banderas (he he he); can't go to work without a minimum of 21 revolutions on his "Sit-N-Spin"; Dreams about becoming a world-famous ballet dancer, but gets depressed because he knows he will never be as good at ballet as Alan.
Mark - Still wears the same pin-striped suit from his senior yearbook picture; has only commented on Donna's blog because he knows Donna is too busy to write back.
Donna - Has saved up almost enough money to buy Bud's House Of Buds, and looks forward to the day that she can fire Bud; Has a secret "I love my brother" shrine in her closet, but has a voodoo doll (display purposes only) hanging by the front door.
Jenny-Jen-Jen; Has mysteriously lost her millions, and in its place found a pile of plastic straws and creamer cups; has to be home before midnight, or else her car turns back into a rudabaga and her cell phone turns back into a 9V battery.
Sue - Has disappeared in a brand new BMW and was last seen at a gas station after writing "Woo Hoo! I'm Rich!" on the bathroom mirror with "Razzamadazzle Raspberry Red" lipstick; likes to put a pinch of catnip in her coffee every morning, and a pinch of celery salt in her afternoon tea.
Laura - There are no rumors about Laura at this time, due to a gag order on me from the Paparazzi. Apparently they are cooking up a whopper of a story. More on this when the gag order is lifted. The judge decides next week.
Tish - Hates to be called "Tish"; is secretly planning a sting operation to "silence" Brian for calling her "Tish"; has the word "Tish" tattooed on her......what? But it says--ok, ok. Her left shoulder; has a digital camera surgically attached to her left wrist, and takes pictures by wiggling her nose like Samantha on "Bewitched".
Ben - Works for the Paparazzi; likes to flip pancakes and make them stick to the ceiling; likes to go around to his neighbors and plow them back in after they have been plowed out; shares a summer home with Antonio Banderas because Angelina Jolie knows he works for the Paparazzi.
Chris - Has a program for homeless cats where he teaches them to tap dance and meow old Broadway tunes; fears that one day Kiley will out-talk him, especially at some type of dinner function; wishes he had a summer home with Antonio Banderas.
Rick - Will be entering this year's Twister Tournament of Champions - winner gets a round trip ticket on the three horse carousel outside of the local K-Mart; has smiled so much in his lifetime that his face is permanently stuck in that pose, except when brushing his teeth.
Lori - Has a twin sister somewhere; turns into a pink "Ms. Incredible Hulk" when her maiden name is misspelled; is hoping to get the same cameraimplantectomy that Tish has gotten, but is still awaiting test results of what will happen to the camera when she changes into "Ms. Hulk".
Well everyone, thems the rumors that isn't! I hope you've learned something completely useless today instead of the usual "helpful" stuff that everyone keeps trying to get you to retain. No animals were harmed in the making of this report, except for a squirrel named Gunther who threw a black walnut at me out of anger, only to have the nut bounce of the monitor and hit him just above the left cheek. But he's in recovery and will soon to be out and about swearing at the Chickadees again. And for the person who thought I had forgotten and was going to go easy on her again, I leave you with this one last rumor:
Carrie - Has a robotic stunt double that will be running for her in the Marathon, which will explode into confetti after shouting "Euweka, gowld at wast!" (That quote comes from an old Elmer Fudd cartoon, whom Carrie teaches her class was a famous explorer.); drinks milk from the carton then washes a clean glass afterwards claiming "it's the same thing".
And you thought I had forgotten! I warned ya last time! ;) So til next time everyone, I leave you this final quote:
"A post, comment or gag order a day keeps the Rumor Mill author away!" Ciao!
Monday, March 21, 2005
Rumor Mill, 2nd Edition!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
RSS Feed (xml)
8 comments:
I agree very creative....however.....now I can't get the tisket, tasket song out of my head......thanks!
hmmmm....am thinking that you are not working as hard as you keep saying...or you need to find a partner to talk to during the day...too much time on your hands...or at least no one to talk to during the day....this is not said in fun...im dead serious
LOL
I heard that Brian's been pinned by 30 lbs of insulation since January in the attic he'd been working on, and he finally got someone to run a network cable to his laptop so he can post until he figures a way out. He's got a lot of time on his hands to come up with all the rumors.
Also, Brian, you know you can't dance with that wooden leg you got after you were run out of Wichita Falls after that Southern Hospitality misunderstanding.
well...almost forgot...did go bye graybeards house last snowstorm. Guess he never forgets when one plows him back in after having shovelled all night...didnt realize that the pics i took were of cheryl in her "skivies" as you call them. Actually thought they would be great for blackmail as the truth is that they were graybeard in his wife's bra and panties....however those heels made you look pretty stupid...i gotta say. By the way, alan, according to the pics....you may want to check your story about the "wooden leg" thing....ever heard of generic viagra?....whoa ...i can hear you all now..."he DIDNT just go there" (talk about rumors...dont get me started)
Ok Brian, it's been confirmed, you really are crazy!! We better not let this fall into the wrong hands, they may have you committed :) Thanks for the laughs! Just to clarify one point, my brother-in-law is the one who shot at the Easter Bunny from my nephews bedroom window one year! He's the one in charge of our "Extreme Egg Hunt" each year.
Dave Gregory is still down at PCC on staff. Doug Gregory lives approx. 2 miles from me, and I talked to him the other night. He has 3 children. A boy and two girls. I saw Jeremy Tufts this past summer when he came up for his grandfather's memorial service. He and his wife just had their second child a month or so ago. I keep in touch w/Jennifer Tufts and see her when she comes up to visit her father. Do you remember Michelle and Corinne St. Laurent? I see Corinne all the time at church. In fact I'm on the phone with her right now...
The only person I have talked to in the past couple of years is Don Boyce....I emailed him about friends cafe.....but he might have a different email address by now.
First of all, if this stuff was hogwash, I'd be washing hogs with it. I don't have hogs. (Here, piggy, piggy....)
Ruth, your welcome for the tisket tasket song remix.
Ben, not too much time on my hands at all, and I talk to myself all day, so I am never lonely.
Alan - if it takes 30 lbs. of insulation to bury me, I am definitely in the wrong business. I guess I'll have to get a techy job so that I won't have to worry about lifting anything besides my coffee mug. ;)
Ben, I was sexy and you know it. That's why you honked and waved that finger at me, right?
Tish - "Weird is good, strange is bad."
Suzie1 through Jenny2 - Huh? (jk)
Jill - I've been committed many times, and I enjoy it each time, except when I'm wearing my monogrammed designer long-sleeve dinner jacket and my back itches. However, in my insanity, I have never shot at the Easter Bunny. Yet.
Last 4 comments - See updated address list. If you need a copy, Sue, let me know. Thanks everyone!
Post a Comment