THE RUMOR MILL!!!

Oh, ho ho!!! You've asked for it! I threatened that I was going to have to do something drastic if people didn't come back here and keep the communication going, so not wanting to look like a liar, welcome to the grand opening of the RUMOR MILL!!!

That's right. The Rumor Mill is now open for business! I figure that nothing gets the flappers flappin' like some good ol' juicy rumors being passed around, and if this don't get ya yakkin', we'll have to try something else! So, I've weeded through the insanities that float around in my head (And boy, is there alot!), and have found some great unfounded rumors about each and every one of us that you can circulate at the water cooler or coffee machine at work, write about through bulk emails to everyone who doesn't care, or try to use for blackmailing purposes. (Don't be surprised if people laugh uncontrollably at you.) Here they are!

Shaun - Has already signed a contract to replace the Dunkin' Donuts guy who always says "Time to make the donuts!"; Runs around his neighborhood once a week in tights and a cape claiming to be Superman.

Rick - Hasn't really been on all of those travels that he has told us about. Instead, he writes a name of a place he'd like to visit on the circles of "Twister" and plays the game by himself. When he lands on a spot, he claims to have "been there"; Pretends to be a mailbox.

Jenny-Jen-Jen - Is secretly a multi-millionairess who stores her cash in the form of vintage five dollar bills in her mattress; likes Don King's hair.

Ben - Is currently undergoing "gender alterations" in special monthly trips to Nevada. Hopes to be male soon. (Ouch); makes his wife dress in a "Barney" costume daily in order to help him unwind after psychotherapy.

Chris & Kiley - Really do not work for the Salvation Army, but are members of a motorcycle gang known as "Pickled Herrings", who put fish on the doorsteps of people's houses and ride off on their quiet motorcycles; own stock in "Asia".

Donna - Not really a DR. teaching at Pensacola, but a florist's apprentice at "Bud's House Of Buds", a small flower shop that deals only with purple flowers; loves Shaun.

Brian - Wears women's underwear; shares a summer home with Richard Simmons; drinks out of the toilet occasionally; likes country music; is drunk while writing this.

Cheryl - Makes Brian drink out of the toilet occasionally; wears women's underwear; shares a summer home with Antonio Banderas; likes country music.

Sue - Is secretly siphoning Jen's millions out from the mattress through an intricate network of McDonald's straws and empty non-dairy creamer cups; not only knows how to work this blog thing, but is the president as well.

Alan - Never mind Alan - he's got enough rumors going as it is.

Ruth - Is soon to be inducted into the "Saint's Hall Of Fame" as "Sister Twiggy - Mother of Handi-wipes"; puts change in the couch, then pulls it out later on in front of guests singing "A tisket, A tasket".

Jill - Is really Julianne Moore; hides Easter eggs in the woods; hopes to visit Willy Wonka's chocolate factory someday soon in order to catch an Oompa Loompa.

I know that these are all hard to believe - I couldn't believe them myself, so I didn't. (And Carrie, you've commented, but since only once, I went easy on you - this time.) If you have any questions, keep them. If this posting has offended you, please call a telemarketer and aire your grievances during breakfast hours. If you are Ben, Nevada called, and if you circulate this post to fifty-seven of your friends within the next three and a quarter minutes, nothing will happen.

Now, doesn't this make you want to place a comment? Good! Comment away! ;)